Be strong...

What does it really mean to be strong in the Lord? Do we recover completely and forget all our sorrow in that instance? How do we even "draw" God's strength?

God is all-powerful; He created the universe, He created us from dust.. He is omniscient; He knows everything we do, everything we feel, and there is nothing hidden from Him.. If we should need financial help, the most natural thing for most humans would be to talk to a close friend or relative who has the financial means to help and rely on him or her totally.. But if we need God's help, why don't we talk to Him, since He has the means.. Or why don't we just leave everything to Him?

Humans are only human.. We are dust, dust with the breath of God in us.. What can dust do? We have to learn to submit to God.. True, we have our own desires and such, and often, it is hard to say if they are for our good, simply because we can't predict the future.. But God can, and He knows what is best for His children.. Which father would harm his child? How much more will our heavenly Father care for us! (Matthew 7:9-11)..

The problem lies in that we still want our own way.. We have never given up on our desires.. We can carry our burdens to God; we tell Him, "God, take these away", and then we take up those burdens away.. God promises us that we can cast all our cares and worries on Him, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).. But how do we expect God to help us if we will not let Him help?

And very often, we make things worse by listening to worldly advice for self-consolation.. Psychologists have a whole slew of terms and such that make us feel that what we feel is normal and accepted, even if it is sin in God's sight.. What is human knowledge as compared to what God knows? If God tells us that something is good for us, do we act smart and say that we know better? Imagine a kid trying to persuade his mother that roasting his hand in the oven for entertainment is good..

So easy to say, but so hard to do.. Let us try to learn..

Fic: It is Over

Some random study that I did while on the bus.. I can't help it if inspiration decides to hit me! And well, to set the record straight, this is a work of fiction.. It may represent my feelings in some other matter(s), but it should not be taken that literally.. Enjoy and give some feedback..;)

I tread the familiar route again; alright from the bus, go through the gate, up a slope, up some stairs, up another slope…

My school, I think, and haltingly add, but not for long.

An ocean of tumultuous thoughts engulf me. Is this right? This is my last chance to turn back. Should I go on? Or should I retreat? And with each step I take, the hesitation grows overwhelmingly strong. What am I doing this for? Who am I doing this for? No, don’t think; just enter the lift, go to the seventh floor…

This familiar place; familiar sights, familiar smells… I shall never see it again. But I still have a chance; I can always turn back… No, I must go on. Why? I do not know; just go on…

My footsteps grow heavier as I pace the office floor, waiting to be interviewed. Soon, the questions come. I smile, I shut off the distracting thoughts.

“Yes, I am sure of my decision”, I say and nod my head firmly.

But in me, my heart is hammering hard.

Why? It asks.

And the final verdict comes, “You seem sure of what you want to do; go and we wish you all the best. Should you decide to return, we welcome you with open arms.”

I leave the room numbly. Yes, I am relieved, but why? What for? A familiar face comes to fhat; a friendly conversation, but I can barely remember it. I only remember her arm pulling me close to her and that voice saying “all the best”. I wish it were someone else doing that, but it does not matter. It is over.

It is over.

Go down, I remember, third floor; settle the last of the administrative work. The last…

My heart is near its breaking point.

The door is closed, locked shut, unwelcoming and cold. As I wait, the thoughts return hauntingly. Don’t think, don’t think! It is too late, too late now…

And something salty escapes my eye.

It is over, it is over…

I look at the time. There is still a little left for final goodbyes. And the finality of it all hits me hard – there is no turning back. Perhaps I should go ahead with the farewells.

Back down the slope, up a flight of stairs, but there is no one. I gently push open the door; the very door I had pushed and walked past so often without thinking twice. I see myself in the full-length mirror. Who is that staring back at me? A lost sheep, which found its way but is still lost? I hear no answer.

A heap of lack stands in a corner; cases of memories… We used to pile them around as unobtrusively as possible, but someone would always find his way blocked by them, and this was always followed by mock arguments or apologetic smiles. And the laughter we shared, the little whispers, the feeling of togetherness, of working together towards a common goal… No, don’t think anymore; I have just forfeited my right to return to this place. It will no longer be “we”; it is now “they”.

That choking sensation forms in my throat again – no, I am merely thirsty. Something moist flows from behind my eyes – no, it’s the weather irritating my eyes.

Leave now, leave before anyone sees. I quickly shut the door. Will this be the last time? No, don’t think just leave, just leave… Leave…

Down the stairs; let me just be curious and enter another room. No familiar faces… Wait; just one, but no, don’t go over. Leave before everyone else sees. Pass the message to this someone; wish her all the best, bid her farewell, say goodbye and leave.

Don’t crack here; don’t break here, don’t let the tears fall!

Down more stairs, down the slope, back to the bust stop. Safe, for now. Safe from what? I do not know; I do not care. I am only staring ahead; there is nothing for me to see. The voices of those around me sound so distant; but what does it matter if I hear? I can no longer return to the places I once held dear and still do. It is over.

Who can understand melancholy? No, this is not sorrow; there is no cause for grief. This is merely self-pity. This is wrong; everything is wrong, everything that I have ever done is wrong! I only cause those around me more grief, more heart-break. I only hurt everyone. So, why am I here? What am I alive for? To make this world a terrible place?

But the sun will set, the moon will shine, the stars will appear, and before long, the sun will rise again, and everything will be forgotten… Just that the heart never forgets and will still grieve.

Emmanuel

Hihi! Just thought I'll share a little of yesterday's sermon.. For the first time in countless years, we went to the Chinese Service.. Wah.. Really miss the whole feeling and the 親切感.. Hahaz.. Anyway, the topic was "Is God among us" or something close to that.. The answer: Emmanuel..

Emmanuel ("God with us") means:
1) God is always with His people..
2) God will never forsake His people..
3) We need not feel 恐怕 (fearful) or 惊惶 (dismayed) no matter what happens..

Can't exactly remember the other points, but I'll add a few more:
4) God will always take care of us.. When we are tempted, He will always provide a way out..
5) We will be with Him in heaven one day..
6) God is always faithful to His word; He will do what He has promised..

Emmanuel is a comfort and encouragement to us at any time of the year, not only Christmas.. During Christmas, we celebrate the physical presence of God among men, but are we aware that He is constantly with us, every step of the way? Do we live for Him, or are we behaving as though He is not around?